Delivering Bad News: What to Say So Your Client Doesn’t Hate You

Last week we went over the crucial process of preparing yourself before delivering bad news to a client. (If you missed it, click here to get caught up!) 

Let’s recap. Before you get on the phone with your client, you first…

Empty your bucket 

Cross the street

Prepare your Accusations Audit 

And reach out to secure a time to speak on the phone

Now you’re up! It’s time to confront the issue—whatever it is—head on. Thankfully, we have a framework for that. 

Here’s what you’re going to do on this call:

• Deliver the Accusations Audit
• Deliver the news
• Mirror and Label their response. Insert any unused Accusations Audits if appropriate
• Ask them how they would like to proceed/Get their thoughts first
• Ask for permission to present their options as you see them
• Present their options/Things to consider
• Mirror and Label their response.
• Ask again how they would like to proceed

The sequence is intentional and very important. 

If you follow this sequence, the framework will support you no matter what kind of bad news or sensitive situation you’re approaching. 

➡️ Once you’re on the call, deliver the Accusations Audit right away.

Remember that an Accusations Audit is a series of preemptive labels. You’ve taken the time to write out (hopefully) about a dozen of these labels that speak to any negatives your client may be thinking or feeling about you or about the situation they’re facing, or are about to face. 

These are situationally appropriate educated guesses. 

The point of writing out several is to cross the street and to think deeply and thoroughly about the situation from your client’s perspective. That sets you up, perfectly, to begin the conversation in the right mindset of putting your client first, letting go of the outcome, and seeing the world through your client’s eyes.

This does NOT mean that you pick up the phone and deliver a monologue or a laundry list of these labels.

Before delivering bad news, we want to make sure to properly brace someone for impact, and then deliver the news. Don’t drag it out unnecessarily just to deliver the beautiful labels you constructed.

Choose one (maybe two) which will grab your client’s attention, and alert them to the nature of the news they are about to receive. That may sound something like:

“This is going to piss you off.“ (Or “This is going to break your heart,” or “This is not going to make any sense to you.” Remember to tailor your labels to the Negotiator Personality Type with whom you’re speaking.)

➡️ Wait 2 seconds, and deliver the news: 

“The buyer is asking for 100K credit for repairs.” (Or “The buyer has pulled out of the deal,” or “The seller has denied your request.”)

And then you shut up and listen. 

You don’t backpedal, you don’t sugar-coat, you don’t explain, you don’t offer solutions, you don’t ratchet up their emotions, and you don’t deny their feelings. Remember, the practice of Tactical Empathy does not require you to agree, disagree or sympathize. Just listen—and listen like you mean it.

What are they saying? What are the dynamics beneath what they’re saying? What are they not saying? This is a key moment to practice the shift from Fear to Curiosity. The 2mm shift that allows you to truly hear and understand your client, so that you can properly guide them toward their next, best steps. 

➡️ Label their responses. 

That could sound something like:

“It sounds like you’ve completely lost faith in these buyers.” 

“I know you’ve already given way more than you wanted to.” 

“You must feel like they’re taking advantage of you.” 

Note that some of these labels may be among the list of Accusations Audits you had previously prepared. Great, that’s why you spent the time before the call to construct those—so you’d have them on hand.

Some may be new thoughts entirely, based on your client’s honest response to the news. 

Because you’re giving your client the chance to speak first, rather than you coming in with a ready-made solution, your client may even reveal some previously unknown and important information at this stage. This is what’s known as a “black swan.” That could be any unknown information—however small—that changes your understanding of the situation at hand. 

In this case, it could be something along the lines of:

“If I have to give a 100K credit, at that price it would be better for me to keep the property and rent it out.” (Were you aware that renting was an option?)

Or “If we lose this buyer now, we won’t close in time for me to pay the tax bill that’s due on X date. I’m counting on those funds.” (Did you know about their financial issues?) 

Or “The real problem is that I had told my Dad that I had already made those repairs. He’s going to flip out when he sees this report.” (Is Dad a new decision maker of whom you were previously unaware?)

Again, label and mirror whatever their responses may be, making them feel understood. 

➡️ Then ask how they would like to proceed.

You know what to do when the answer to the question, “How would you like to proceed?” is “What do you think we should do?”

Reassure them that you will give them your opinion, but make sure to get their thoughts first:

“It sounds like you’re really interested in my guidance. I will absolutely share my thoughts with you. Before I do that, would it be a horrible idea for you to share with me what you think might be a good plan?”

If they have a clear plan of action they would like you to take on their behalf, great.

If they seem at all uncertain, make sure to label that: “You sound uncertain about that.” 

If they sound disappointed, label that: “It sounds like that option is pretty depressing.” 

If they seem angry about their choice, label that: “It looks like this decision isn’t sitting well with you.”

Make sure to get to the bottom of their feelings before moving forward.

If it seems like they might need extra time to think, offer it to them.

If there are specific options or details that are important for your client to consider before making a final decision, ask permission to present those: 

“Would you object to me sharing (would it be a bad idea for me to share) some options/some details you may want to consider?”

Present those details, whatever they may be, and then ask again how they would like to proceed.

You may feel like you’ve heard all this before…

Because if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you HAVE heard it before.

This framework—along with the concepts, and even some of the words you may find yourself using—remains the same no matter what type of bad news situation you’re working through. In its simplest form:

• Deliver the Accusations Audit
• Deliver the news
• Mirror/Label their thoughts and feelings
• Ask them how they’d like to proceed

You don’t need a script.

You need to embrace the sequence, the concepts, the tools, and the crucial mindset shifts that will set you up for success.

When delivering bad news/navigating sensitive conversations keep these 2mm shifts in mind:

• I to You
• Fear to Curiosity
• Waiting to Getting in front of issues
• Sugar-coating to Bracing
• Wondering to Knowing
• Controlling to Letting go
• Responsibility to Accountability
• Solving problems to Defusing Negative Emotions

These are the shifts in mindset and in your business practices that will take you from being a Commodity to serving your client as a Trusted Advisor.

I to You: We’re going to get past what’s hard for us, so that we can focus on what’s difficult for our client, so that we can approach the conversation with one of the most crucial shifts of all… 

Fear to Curiosity: The shift that will allow you to hear and observe what the other person is thinking and feeling. Remember when you listen from a mindset of Fear you will hear every comment and every question as a threat, and when you listen from a mindset of Curiosity you will be able to hear and observe what your client is truly thinking and feeling.

You’ll be able to understand what they need from you.

You’ll be able to make them feel understood.

There’s the crucial shift of Controlling to Letting Go. Let go of the outcome so that you can focus on what is in front of you, and what exactly your client needs from you in order to move forward in the way that is best for them.

You’re moving from Responsibility to Accountability.  99% of the decisions required during the course of a transaction are not yours to make. They are the responsibility of your seller. Let go of what is not yours to control, and keep your focus on remaining readily accountable for the actions you do take.

There are the shifts from Wondering to Knowing, Waiting to Getting out in front of issues and from Sugar-coating to Bracing. 

Those 3 go hand-in-hand when we’re confronting sensitive issues right away and head on.

Together they result in shifting your focus from Problem Solving to Defusing Negative Emotions. That shift will put an end to your daily existence as a crisis manager. If you’re constantly solving problems, you can be sure you have missed something along the way. Start Defusing Negative Emotions, instead, and you’ll begin to notice how few problems you actually face.