Real Estate Agents Always Skip This Crucial Work…at Their Own Peril

by Steve Shull

Last week, you heard the origin story of Performance Coaching.

You saw how it became what it is today: a place where agents come to learn how to build a sustainable, scalable, stress-free real estate business.

You learned that it only takes 6 Building Blocks to do that:

1. Practice Mindfulness - Get your head on straight.
2. Optimize Time - Do what’s most important.
3. Cultivate Relationships - Lead with love.
4. Embrace Standards - Raise the bar for your life.
5. Master Communication - Make people feel understood.
6. Plan Strategically - Live and work smart.

This week, let’s take a deep dive into Building Block #1: Practice Mindfulness.

You hear about mindfulness so much these days that it’s easy to brush it off as a fad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meditate, live in the present, cultivate awareness…that’s nice, but I have actual work to do. This whole mindfulness thing can wait until later.

No, it can’t…because right now, on the inside, you don’t feel okay.

As much as you don't want to hear that…

As much as you want to push back…

If you're being completely honest with yourself, you do not feel okay on the inside.

You have an internal story about who you’re supposed to be and how your life is supposed to unfold, and it’s not aligning with your reality…and you think it’s your fault. 

You think you should be able to make things the way you want them to be, and if you can’t, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough, or you’re just not good enough.

And this feeling of not being good enough is running your life.

It makes you waste your time and energy on the wrong things. It keeps you stuck doing the same things over and over, even when they don’t work. It sucks the joy out of every single day.

Ignoring this problem will NOT make it go away.

If you’re not happy TODAY doing what you’re doing, you’re not going to be happy TOMORROW doing what you’re doing…and until you do the inner work of Practicing Mindfulness, nothing is going to change.

News flash: the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

Life is a nonstop tidal wave of change and challenge. Behind every mountain is another mountain. Things rarely unfold the way you want them to, and never by design.

And that makes perfect sense. 

Because when you think about it, we have no control over anything around us. We can’t control the forces of nature, and we can’t control what other people do.

And yet, we act as if we can.

We run around every day trying to MAKE things happen the way we want. We turn everything into a battle between our individual will and the reality around us, and that battle consumes our lives.

STOP IT.

Life is not going to do what you want it to do. The only things you have control over are INSIDE you: how you feel, what you think about, and what you choose to do. 

That’s why getting your head on straight MUST be your number one priority.

That’s what Practicing Mindfulness is about: doing the inner work that allows you to navigate life’s challenges with peace and wisdom instead of fear and resistance.

It brings you improved emotional balance, increased clarity, reduced stress, deeper self-awareness, greater resilience, and a more compassionate approach to life.

This first Building Block is the cornerstone of all the others. Without it, you’ll be forever locked in that battle of your will against the universe, and you’ll have no hope of success with the other five Building Blocks.

So what exactly is this inner work?

To me, it’s 7 things. Let’s take them one at a time.

1️⃣ Embracing who you are. 

Most people will go through life never knowing who they are. All they will know is their self-concept—i.e., who they think they should be.

You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. You are not your body. You are not your identity. You are not the voice in your head.

You are the AWARENESS of all these things. You are energy, pure consciousness. You are the expression of infinite possibility. You are one with life. 

This is who you really are, and it’s so much greater than who you’re trying to be. You wake up every day thinking you need to be different in this way or that way, but you don’t. You are perfection right now. You don't NEED anything.

And when you truly understand and accept that, you free yourself from your ego, your smaller self, which is the part of you that doesn't think you are okay.

You are okay now, and you always will be okay.

2️⃣ Choosing happiness

Happiness is not a state of being. It is a CHOICE.

Most people choose to tie their happiness to some imagined future condition: “I’ll be happy when…”

When what? When you’re thinner, richer, married, divorced, working less, working more? When you’ve finished this thing, or started that other thing?

Spoiler alert: no you won’t.

IF you get what you think you want, you might get a mood boost for a while, but it won’t last. Soon, you’ll be right back here again, feeling the same way you feel now. That’s the nature of conditional happiness. 

But there is an alternative: UNconditional happiness. Choosing to want what you already have, and to approach everything that comes your way with curiosity, acceptance, and non-judgment. 

This is how it’s possible—and it IS possible—to be happy on the inside no matter what’s happening around you. 

3️⃣ Practicing nonresistance

As I said earlier, most people go through life pitting their individual will against the universe.

This is a battle you’ll NEVER win…so stop fighting. Instead of resisting the reality around you, embrace it.

The best analogy of this is the ocean. You cannot control the waves. Nothing you do will ever make even the smallest impact on the tides, the wind, or any of the other factors that make the surf what it is on any given day. To try is a waste of time and energy.

The only thing you can do is learn to surf—and focus on becoming a better surfer every day.

4️⃣ Letting go of EVERYTHING

We’ve all stored up a huge amount of negative energy in our lifetimes. Everything we didn’t want and didn’t know how to process is just cycling around and around in our heads.

And every time we feel fear, anxiety, or any negative emotion, the feeling is this negative energy wanting to be released.

Let it go. 

Let go of the old beliefs and stories that don’t serve you. Let go of the need to control everything (a need which, as you now know, is impossible to fulfill). Let go of the grudges, the excuses, the fears. 

It’s not about fixing anything or solving a problem. The problem is that you’re clinging to things that are holding you back, and there’s only one solution: let go.

5️⃣ Going from fear to curiosity. 

Fear and curiosity are mutually exclusive. Fear puts you in a defensive state—fight, flight, or freeze. Your goal is to protect yourself, so you put up your walls and resist everything that comes at you.

Curiosity is the opposite. It is a state of discovery—of opening up, looking around, and letting things in. You are calm, engaged, and connected to the world around you.

Trading fear for curiosity changes EVERYTHING.

It turns obstacles into opportunities. It turns adversaries into collaborators. It turns painful conversations into trust-building interactions. 

Most importantly, curiosity keeps you in a mental state that lets you learn fast, think clearly, and show up as your best self in every situation.

6️⃣ Giving your highest and best to the moment in front of you.

This is the byproduct of doing numbers one through number six, and it is absolutely the most joyful, rewarding, and effective way to go through life.

Now that you’ve seen what Practicing Mindfulness really means, let me ask you…

What would happen if you let go of your need to control outcomes?

How often have you experienced lasting happiness by getting what you want?

How would your life change if you embraced what you have as exactly what you need?

The answers to these questions can turn your life upside down—for the better.

One thing is for sure…

Selling another home is not going to fix you.

Selling another home will not change your life.

What WILL change your life is doing the real work—the inner work of Practicing Mindfulness.