Want to Master Client Communication? Start Doing This One Thing TODAY.

by Laurie Gilmore

“Knowledge without execution is pointless.”

Derek Gaunt, head coach at The Black Swan Group, reminded us all of that last week in Tactical Empathy Bootcamp. 

If you’re reading this blog today, it’s possible that you’ve been reading it each Friday for several weeks or months. 

Maybe you’ve also taken the time to read The Full Fee Agent and Real Estate Is Not Rocket Science.

Maybe you’re in one of our coaching programs—the Daily Accountability Calls, or the Tactical Empathy Bootcamp, or Small Group Coaching.

As a member of the Peformance Coaching community, you’ve witnessed our coaches, panelists and fellow agents share about the powerful effect that Tactical Empathy can have on your client relationships and your career. You’ve probably also heard some horror stories about what happens when you fail to use it.

You’ve read a lot, you’ve heard a lot, you’ve learned a lot.

What are you going to do with that knowledge?

Mastering Tactical Empathy is like becoming fluent in a foreign language.

And, like learning a foreign language, it’s awkward. You can’t master it in a day. You sound ridiculous the first time, or the first several times, it comes out of your mouth.

It takes a ton of practice. You won’t become proficient by accident or through osmosis.

Like learning a foreign language, the more you practice it in your day-to-day life, the quicker you’ll get it into your bones so it’s ready to go when you most need it.

The WORST thing you can do is reserve Tactical Empathy for just professional use. 

That’s like relocating to Paris for your new job and speaking French for the first time when you walk into your first high-level board meeting. Of course you’re going to trip up.

You need to road test it first! Practice it over and over at the café and the boulangerie, where nothing bad happens if you make a mistake.

That kind of consistent, daily, low-stakes practice is the only way to get Tactical Empathy into your bones, so it can begin to feel like second nature.

The more you do it, the easier it will become because your confidence will rise, and the words will start to feel and sound more natural coming out of your mouth.

And sounding natural is essential for using Tactical Empathy successfully. Making someone feel understood and establishing rapport requires you to be authentic.

So it’s time to do something different, starting TODAY. 

Flip the switch in your mind: Tactical Empathy is no longer just for client conversations—it’s for EVERY conversation.

Practice it on your family. Practice it on your colleagues. Practice it on the barista and the lady at the dry cleaner. 

Watch people light up as you satisfy a need for them that often goes unnoticed  at home and at work—having someone indicate interest in their perspective and their circumstances. Having someone defer to them.

You’ll start to see a difference in how people respond to you, and you’ll find yourself wanting more. So you’ll practice more, your skills will become more natural, and you’ll get even BETTER results.

The practice builds upon itself.

Remember that a negotiation is not just about going back and forth on terms—it’s any moment when “I need” or “I want” is in someone’s head.

That’s why you shouldn’t think of Tactical Empathy strictly as a negotiation tool or a business tool. It’s a skill set for ALL human communication.

That gives us the amazing opportunity to practice this all day long as we go about our lives.

Wake up each morning and set yourself a challenge.

Let today be the day that you phrase every single question as a No-Oriented Question. 

Maybe tomorrow is the day you see how far you can get in a conversation just by Mirroring someone.

The next day, start every interaction with a Label.

The best way to hold yourself accountable for practicing is to keep a Tactical Empathy journal. 

Write one entry per day about the details of one interaction where you attempted to use Tactical Empathy.

What was the situation/scenario?

Who was your counterpart?

What did the person need or want?

What did you need or want?

What skills/tools did you use?

What was the outcome?

If you could do it over again, what would you do differently?

This interaction can be anything—getting your child ready for school, ordering your impossibly complex coffee drink, talking to your significant other about their day.

Did you approach the conversation with your desires in mind, or with curiosity about them? Did you use Labels and Mirrors to draw out information? Did you use Dynamic Silence to give them space to think and respond? Did you shape their thinking with Calibrated Questions?

Journaling like this keeps you focused on your daily efforts, which is the only thing that counts.

Let go of being focused on the outcome—the idea of mastering Tactical Empathy to revolutionize your career.

Focus on getting a little bit better every single day, and mastery will come.

And here’s one thing about Tactical Empathy which is monumentally easier than learning a foreign language…

The other person doesn’t need to “speak” Tactical Empathy for your practice to work. 

They likely won’t even notice what you’ve done. They’ll just remember how you’ve made them feel.

When people ask us, “When is the right moment to use Tactical Empathy?” the answer is: “Always, with everyone, in every situation, in every moment.”

There is no situation, no relationship that can’t be improved with the use of Tactical Empathy.

That’s how you’ll get the most out of it, and that’s how you’ll achieve mastery.

Go forth and empathize! Tactically!

Tactical EmpathyTM  and related concepts are the intellectual property of the Black Swan Group, used here with permission.